♥ Sunday, January 10, 2010
My Complicate Life ♥
everything change .and i didnt knw that u are goin to change too .im just wondering why .yes ,i admit .its hard to forget you .i still love you .you told me ,if u lie or break ur promises ,i can hate you to hell .but no ,i cant .coz deep inside my heart ,i love you so much .im crying .but im holding back my tears at the same time .on the 8thdec .we lepak at one block at faja .till 10plus went home .and rmmbr ?i was mad at you that time due to ur smoking .till i msg you when im home ,asking you not to text me again .and you reply so late till i fell asleep ,but at 1plus ,meaning its oredi on the 9th ,i wakeup again and read ur msg .and that was the time u confess to me that you actually love me .evn im angry at u ,u still put a smiley face in the end ,saying gdnyte and all .you told me im the first girl u confess to .usually ,the girl that admit first .then ,at last ,i must confess my feelings to towards you .idk how ,i can fall in love with you .we talk till 7plus in the morning ,then we slept .on the 15th ,we met again .u wntd to treat me to my famousamos that i win .but in the end i didnt get it .i rmmbr ,we lepak at one of the cck block .and that was whr it all strtd .when went home ,txt2 ,u get possesed again ,ur sis tell.till on the 18th ,u txt me again ,saying sorry for not replying my msgs ,u cnt get out of the hse ,u miss me ,asking me to forget u ,evn we are force to bcoz of it ,but then i nvr want to leave u,i promise u .u promise too . then u promise u meet me first when u are fine .suddnly ur sis reply again saying u get possesed again.i pray for you evrytime .evn i knw u cnt reply ,i always msg you .expecting you to reply still .till on the 7thjan ,i txt again asking if you are really alright ,but then someone reply saying u chnge ur num .i txt ur new num ,no reply .*not allowed to be read* evn i told you if you break ur promises just tell me.at sch i called you ,u the one who pickup .*not allowed to be read* at last ,get to knw ,you had a gf schling at st.anderson sec.in the end ,get to knw the person that tell me ur new num is ur mom .*not allowed to be read*well ,abt the possesed thing ,yes ,its true .but then why aftr u okay .u didnt tell me?instead u leave me just like that without telling me u had a gf .im hurt .u like meh if ur sis is treated like this frm a guy ?no right .then why u do it to me?u promise u w8 for me .seriously .when i knw u're not okay ,i pray for you ,i try searching for anyone who maybe may knw u .then this is what u repay me back ?u told me im like no other girl .im not like ur exs .i cared for you too much till i get angry at you like something .then now what ?hais .i called you 2times when im going out just now .but u rejected my calls .i wntd u to meet me and talk facetoface .when u rejected my calls ,i msg ,u still didnt reply .when i was otw to bpp ,inside lrt ,one malay aunty was looking at me ,idk why .maybe bcoz my face was sad all the way .and i almost cry at the lrt .bt i didnt la .want to go out frm bpp ,saw amy ,fatin and azuin sis .they were like ,asking if im okay .they tot i was being possesed .i just say that im okay .evn im not .im sorry guys .well ,aftr going bpp ,i went to farhan hse .imagine .from 5.10pm like that i sit there ,on the third storey stairs .till the nxt 2hrs ,i go hme .for the two hrs ,i've been sitting there ,ppl looking at me .i cried abit .i wonder if they saw me cry .i tried calling you for another time ,u rejected again .but guys ,while i was sitting ,many ppl comeout and in of the lift .and one of them was like ,when she oredi in the hse ,i cn hear her ,saying ,'elias ,elias .is that his gf outside ?is that his gf ?' .it makes me smile for a sec .im sure ppl was like ,'why does this girl sitting hre frm just now?' .i knw they got that ques in mind .while i was sitting ,i hve the feelings i cn meet farhan .when the lift shows 3rd storey ,i always look .and when its almost 2hr ,yes .im sure it was farhan .he with ,idk who .i call him .i tink he hear .i guess he evn look at me .i tink he knw that was me .he says sometin .but i couldnt hear wat .then he go into his hse .i cant get to speak with him .aftr that ,i called hairie ,tell what hppn .he like knw like that i cry .while i was there ,i txtd ppl ,and all of them ask me to go hme .but i was stubborn .i was tired but i wont giveup .aftr that with a very heavy and hurtful heart ,i walk slowly .went to grsc .wnting to buy sweet for younger sis and me .but dont have .then i went hme ,walk hme .before that ,i sat on the block whr we sit at fajar .i come to the plce we sat ,i smell ur cigarette fai .i cn see all that happn at there .i see you and me .its like a movie .but it was actually just memories .i hear to the song that u always sang ,i cried .idk if ppl see me crying ,coz theers evn malay fam was at there with a cat ,and i tink they look at me .but that time ,i wipe away the tears already .my person easily cry .idc whr i am ,if the tears want to fall ,it just falls .but sometimes i need to hold it back .i feel like i want to do stupid things again ,but i wont .i promise already .haiss .i just can cry .i really miss you .i really wnt to ask you fcetofce .perhaps i must try again .hais ):whr were you when i misses you ?whr were you when im cold ?whn im sad ?whn im feeling lonely ?when im in a bad mood ?when i need someone to talk to ?to talk craps ?whr has ur jokes to me gone to ?whr are ur promises to me ?ur words to me ?all of them .whr ?they are all vanish forever ,gone .i miss the times we played wrestling .i miss those jokes ,calling me undrage kid ,and many more .u like to disturb me .i still rmmbr all the things u say to me .each single words .seriously .all the things we did together .i miss ur singing ,'road to nowhere' and 'i miss you' .when i hear to those songs ,but mostly 'road to nowhere' ,i keep hearing ur voice ,the guitar u played .we planned to watch movies together .eat at luckyplaza together .go to the playgrnd whr i want to go .buy build a bear workshop bear together .all the things .so many .u promise to quit smoking by 1st march .ur deadline .rmmbr ?but now i guess ,u stop trying to quit already .haiss .):i wntd to tell u so many things .but then look what happn now .i cant tell you .):how cn u be so heartless ?nvr evn says sorry to me . ):haiss .i knw im stubborn .i make myself suffer bcoz of you .i knw u may not be reading this .but this are my feelings .i wntd you to knw .i really dont get the ans why in the world you leave me ..thanks for all the thing you've done to me ..those precious moments ,sweet moments .and even ,this hurtful moment .thankyou for hurting me .its hard for me to accept the fact . damn hard .hard to forget you .. ):God ,gives me the strength ,patience to face all this test from you .i cant hold on any longer .i'm becoming weaker as days passes by without him on my side .i really misses him .im tired .idk how i should move on .idk how i can forget him .pls ,give me more strength and patience to face all this . ):
no matter what ,i still have others that love me ,i knw .thanks all .Labels: imissyoufai . ):
♥ My World My Life
6:16 AM
