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♥ Sunday, January 31, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

i still remember the days and times when we are together .
i still remember every words you speak .
i still remember every movements you make .
i still remember every actions you do .
i still remember the smell of you .
i still remember your jokes .
i still remember your smile .
i still remember your laughter .
i still remember you .
i still can't forget you .
evn it will be two months soon .
do you still remember what you had done to me ?
do you still remember the promises and the swear you made to me ?
it's true i may not forget you now ,but will forget you in the future .
but how long more will it takes ?
if you were to come back ,and ask for forgiveness .
and u wanted to be with me again ,i will forgive you .
and sometimes ,i wish that you would sing a song for me .
a song to say that you miss me ,you are sorry ,you regret it ,you wanted to be with me back .
i wish that you would say that you love me .
but will that ever happen ?
it won't .so let it be a dream .
cause i still dreaming about you everytime i go to sleep ..

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♥ My World My Life

4:30 AM



♥

My Complicate Life ♥

terdiam dan aku terpaku
pada kehidupan yg harus ditempuh ..
kesemua jln telah ku teraju
tetapi blm ada yg ku temu ..
siang dan malam aku bertanya ,pada diruku yg tidak bermaya
siapakah yg sudi utk bersama ,menjalankn kehidupan yg merana ..
mengapakah ,derita harus melanda ..
dlm hidupku ,mengapa sengsara harus ku alami ..
haruskah aku tempuhinya dgn rela hati ..
dgn cabaran dgn kehidupan yg hitam ..
tk akn ku kenang ..
walaupun ini semua cabaran dengan dugaan dari Ilahi
tak akn ku putus hasratku ,dan tetapku berdiri selama ini ..





its a song .haha (: but its for me .ahahss .(:

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♥ My World My Life

4:00 AM



♥

My Complicate Life ♥

hello humans .(:
well ,just now otw to madrasah ,saw azuin and amy .
aku tau aku cute ^^ psl ikot krg .hahas ,lol la .
kay so ,suppose to reach at 1230 but went out of the hse 1230 .
hahss .then at madrsh txt with eirwan ,aidil ,farah and mila .
then blabla and walk hme with my madrasah fren with bubble tea on our hand .(:
went hme ,watch tv ,sleep ,watch tv and come online .(:
currently now listening to 'Two Is Better Than One' ,facebook-ing ,chatting with renny and isma .and also ,texting with aidil .
and ,idk eh ,eirwan suddenly silent after i ask him why he say that thing ,then i ask why ,he did'nt reply .p8 low maybe ..nvm ,forget abt it .
well ,theres too many hw .and i havent do ALL .):
idk what hw and i lazy to do .
tmr sci got test or ca ?idk ..havent study .
lucky only one chapter .hahass .
okay ,i end it here .(:
byebyeeee .

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♥ My World My Life

3:22 AM



♥ Friday, January 29, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

09.11.09
the day when we started to msg and become more close .
06.12.09
the day when we first met .
07.12.09
the day when we lepak at fajar .
07.12.09
1.10am-2.15am otp .
08.12.09
the day when we suddenly 'overthelimit' abit .
09.12.09
in the morning at 1plus u confessed .
11.12.09
you send me the christmas msg that u want me .
15.12.09
we met again .and that was the first time and the first time you say the word i love you to me face to face .
15.12.09
that thing controls you again .
18.12.09
contact for a few mins .then lost contact .
18.12.09
the last time you say the word i love you so much to me .

and ALOT more of DATES to be put up .
but since there are too many ,i put some only .some i didnt put .
so i take it as 18.12.09 u leave me .
evn on the 18.12.09 ,that is the last time you promise me again that u really wont leave me and u wont like other girl .and many promise u made on that few mins .(:

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♥ My World My Life

6:03 PM



♥

My Complicate Life ♥

hello human beings .(:
basically ,now listening to 'Tears Don't Fall' and chatting .
thats all .boring .
oh wait ,i need to write something for my mom .
*writing*
kay doneee .
well ,idk what to talk la actually .
oh ya ,so many hw to do .
andand ,just now got fire drill ,so the waste time -.-"
just now go ngaji .
well ,im so hungry .
havent eat ):






sometimes ,when i went out ,i wish that i could meet you .
or maybe u will be waiting to say something to me at somewhr .
):



♥ My World My Life

7:27 AM



♥ Thursday, January 28, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

hw havent do .
lazy and no mood .
dissapointed ,sad .
):
feel like crying now . -.-"
this feelings that im having now is just watevr la .
haiss .
history repeats itslf .
seriously .
it keeps on repeating and repeating all over again ,non-stop .urgh .
havent eat yet ):







it chewed out my heart ,it crushed my pride ,it ripped out my heart apart,why did you leave me ?



♥ My World My Life

5:32 AM



♥ Wednesday, January 27, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

helllo ,sorry for not updating .
mls .
yestrday cuci dapo .best gile nk mamposss !
seriouss (: aku smgt sak cuci ,smue dh stop ,aku maseh kt dapo cuci .(:
so ,today ,early in the morning ,i set my alarmed at 6.15am .
end up ,wakeup at 6.50am .
see ?i am so lazy to go to sch .
then ,cpt2 mandi and klua .
oh ya ,at sch ,i signup for the YOG .
SO EXCITED LEHHH !(:
mintak2 dpt .(: amin .
then at class ,suddnly Wan msg me .
i tot who .he using he's fren num .
kay ,soooo .
just now as usual evry wed hlp mum .before that i sleep la .
then aftr help ,i rest then bath then go bpp wif cahaya .
arrive at bpp ,must passby the mc ryte ,then inside got sch boys .
when i pass by ,all of them turn and look at me .hahahah .-.-"
then go library .returning and borrowing of books .
then go aries buy cekak .
then buy icecream and walk hme .(:
thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ,go mc ,do math .
only do abit .SUSA GILE NK MAMPOSSS .
seriousss uh .
then go hme straight away go watch Bubble Boys .
hahah .oh ya ,yestrday watch Dikir Putri .best .(:
at mc ,i dont like the staff .minah .and she imitate what i say -_-
oh ya ,bile lit bingets sak aku !aku mengaku klau aku terlalu binget sgt ,aku cn nanges .-.-"
then ,cikgu ,amek file aku ,abeh aku anoh salah kn ,then da mara ,fine uh .tk psl .
TAPI ,YG BUAT AKU BINGET ,KAU TK PERLU CMPAK !
DIE CAMPAK AKU PUNYE FILE TAU !BOLE LETAK BAEK2 APE !
BINGET SAK !URGHH !-_-
andand ,i lazy to link or relink now .later kay ?(: sorry all (:



kau bole stop kcau aku tk ?daripade aku tk maki ,aku maki kau sakk .kau BODO sgt ke ?asl mesti tnye aku ?!byk2 org tnye aku pe ?FUCK YOU LA .ape maksod kau ?!MOTIVE kau ape skrg ?! ?!pls la .dari that time bodo .kau ckp aku knw better ?ape maksod ?fike aku pena buat pe ?!yes ,mmg kau tk ckp ,tapi asl kau ckp gtu kn ?COMMON SENSE LA !WTF LA !kau jgn nk fike nnt aku ade rase pape uh ,binget ade la .fuck la kau .



♥ My World My Life

6:44 AM



♥ Sunday, January 24, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

helohelokopiomilo !
okay ,why am i using HIS line ?
kay ,soo ,currently chatting with my new affair on fb (:
and ,chatting with fira also .
andand !ya ,
i am in a relationship with AMIRAH now !
on 24th jan 10 ,at 4.59pm (:
ahhaha .syafiqah im so sorry .
nvm luh ,we both had affairs with others
hahahahah !
omg ,fb chat is like so late la it send .
-_-
so annoying like that .

kay now ,going to talk abt GUYS .-.-"

first story ;
got this one guy on tagged so the whatevr la ,seriously .
he was like ,snd me msg at tagged and ask me to msg he wan ask something .
so i ask him to ask me at thre .then he say that his fren saw my pic and want to make frens ,he say his fren like me .-_- pfft la .its like so lame like that .then he say what la ..many uh .then last2 i lazy entertain i say 'bye' .ahahah

second story ;
got this one guy ,keep disturbing me .
i mean ,so irritating at msn .
i nvr entertain then just dont talk la .
then he keep asking thing all .
so at last ,i deleted him frm msn !
HAHAHAH .

third story ;
its happening now .this moment .
this guy ,suddnly ask me to meet him .
he ask i single ryte ,then i say ya .then he ask meet him .he say want make fren .
i say la ,at here(msn) also cn make fren wat .
then he say ,why ?i busy ah ?
then i say no i lazy .
then he say okay and laugh .
LAME LA .

IM SO LAZY TO ENTERTAIN SUCH GUYS .
PLEASE .


kay done .thats all (:
byebye .tc humans (:

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♥ My World My Life

1:12 AM



♥ Saturday, January 23, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

God ,thankyou so much for everything .
you show me the truth .
yes ,i didnt see it .i didnt evn get to hear from his own mouth that he had leave me .
but from what i did ,at last i knw what he had hide from me .
he left me in darkness ,but at last u tell me all .
thanks so much .
evn i've done wrong ,i also try to do something all to myslf ,
You still help me ,and i still survive evn it has hppn mny times .
please give me guidance .
show me the right way to go .
or im going to lost again .
thankyou .(:

now ,i need to live ,survive and soon ,try to move on .
all i do now ,will be alone .
NO MORE FAI IN MY LIFE .
he will not keep me accompany anymore .
accompany me when im bored ,lonely .
accompany me to slack ,to go out .
now who will accompany me do all that stuff ?
who will call me ,'underage kid' ,'little dweep' ,etc ,anymore ?
no one .
nvm ,i'll still treasure those moments .
thankyou so much MUHD FAIRUZ for all of this .
thanks ..):






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♥ My World My Life

1:42 AM



♥ Friday, January 22, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

third post for the day ,cancan ?
well ,is it if the possesed thing didnt happen to you ,all this also nvr happen ?
haiya ,nvm uhh .thats it luhh i guess .
no use uh finding him .
im so stupid la i think .haha .urgh -_-
well ,the advice and the saying that touches me most is from my friends and my beloved sister .
friends is ,mech and syafiqah gf .beloved sister is ,nh la (:
basically ,their words to me actually makes me to be like ,not being selfish too much la .
well ,im trying to moveon .
u guys pray for me (:
please ,thankyou (:



♥ My World My Life

6:41 AM



♥

My Complicate Life ♥

malam ku merenung kenangan masa silam
ku cuba memahami apa sebenar terjadi
mungkinkah salahku ,ataupun sikapmu
hingga cinta kita ketandusan ..
telah ku ungkapkan ,engkaulah segala
namun padamu itu semua tiada bermakna
apakah maksudmu ,masihkah kau ragu
nilai cinta padamu tiada batasnya ..
kini ku sedari perasaan hati
tanpa engkau disisi tiada guna ku begini
inikah balasan di atas keikhlasan
hingga diri ini disingkirkan
mengapa aku disini masih menanti dan menyanyangi
walau hati disakiti ,tidak terlintas untuk membenci
kini baru ku sedari ,atas kehadipan diri
segala janji2 kau mungkiri ..
biarlah aku disini ,mengubati luka di hati
setia aku disini ,menanti dan terus menanti
walau apapun dugaan ,akan tetap ku harungi
sehingga nadiku terhenti ..






































okay ,its basically a lyric (:
its sad right ?
andand ,u should listen to this song la fai .
okay ,bye .

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♥ My World My Life

6:20 AM



♥

My Complicate Life ♥

hello hello hello .
i just came bck just now when its almost 10pm .
kk ,im so tired right now la .
seriously .
go campfire thingy .before that at sch ,i stybck uh ,coz got meeting CCA .
then go hme then bath then dressup then go out .
meet ezzaty and ros at fajar .
then waited for farah and atiqah at jelapang .so late .
soso ,then go oredi ,at sch saw many fren (:
and ya ,forgot to mention ,i make frens with the 1T2 ppl ,some uh (:
during campfire ,play2with firah .and with all la .
also got hairie ,ridzman .
ya ,so ,aftr all finish go hmee .
currently now ,im listening to 'MERENUNG KENANGAN' .
always that song right ?haha (:
ok ,till here ,going to post a new one ^^

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♥ My World My Life

6:14 AM



♥ Thursday, January 21, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

hello2 .
well ,SYAFIQAH going to marry DIYANAH nxt mth la .
so ?i going marry FARAH too la .(:
too many affairsss (:
well ,played MURDERER just now in class .
with the MALAY GUYS and some of the MALAY GIRLS .
before that play TURTH OR DARE for a while .

yeah ,honestly ,i cried again .
dunno why eh .cos i listening to the song ,i criedd . t.t
the song matches me .seriously .):
that day right ,when i want sleep .
suddenly rain for awhile lehh .
then i look outside window uh ,i see the rain right
it suddenly reminds me of FAI and me when we at the CCK block thre .
then i suddenly cried .
i think i cant see things which are related to me and him .
the things that we've done before or the things that we've seen before together .seriously ):
and ya .my hp will be totally dead soon .
so i must read my msgs with him many times before i cant read it anymore .
but all the msgs when before we confess to each other one la .
the msgs that he confess ,and after we confess all delete already .scrd ppl see .
only one ,he snd me abt christmas ,some sort of like , 'i want you for my christmas present' thingy .
mine special uh he said .coz others at the behind like forward2 one .
but mine dont have .he said mine special ,diff abit .(:
wait ,its memories la .haiya ):
still thinking that it is still happening now .):
wth la .

actually im tired oredi la doing all this stuff all .
cry all .
but i just cnt forget him .
until when must i live in ques ?
i mean ,just ans the simple ques cn ?
why u did this ?
why u leave me ?
why u break all ur promises and evn ur swear .
since when u did all this to me ?
since when u hve gf ?
then ,why in the first place u told me u love me ?
but in the end u leave me ?
meaning in the first place u really truly say with all ur heart or what ?
its simple ques what .then ans la .):
please Fai ):

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♥ My World My Life

5:36 AM



♥ Wednesday, January 20, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

TODAY ON 20TH JAN 2010 ,at 1.48pm ,me and SYAFIQAH GOT MARRIED !MUST TAKE NOTE OKAY !(:






























































*CRYING*
so sad ):
i pitied myslf .
i really am crying .
i called him two time ,he pick up .but just silent .then put down .
third time ,he silent again ,so i try to say ,'hello ..fai ..fai ..'
he nvr say anitin .silent ,then he put donw again .
im tired ):
i just wntd to knw why u did this cn ?thats all .
did u patch back with ur ex ?is it ?):
haiss .if u meet me ,then u tell me everything ,then we are done .):aftr i cn forget u totally ,cn we just be friends ?haiss ):

this is what my mind say to me .
insyirah ,cn u just move on ?no use on loving that guy .he doesnt love you anymore .he leaves you just like that !dont you get it ?dont be stupid cn ?u are not worth for him insyirah .LOOK !there are thousands of guys outside there !and who knws ?maybe some of them likes you !so ,cnt u just forget that guy ?dont make urslf suffer .he's not worth it la .doesnt mean u *not allowed to put* ,then u dont want to forget him at all right ?now what ?u want to hurt urslf again ?STOPIT CAN ?LISTEN TO PPL ADVICE !JUST FORGET HIM !

and after my mind says that ,i replied with my heart .
i dont want to be stupid .but i just love him .i knw i shuld listen to ppl advice ,i knw he does not love me animre .i knw he's not worth it .i knw theres plenty out there .i knw i shuld moveon .but i dont want ..):plsss ..):when i love ppl ,they break the promises that they make to me ,so why not i break my promises that i made to myslf ?why not right ?yes i hate my life .because of him .i suffered my life .i LOVE him .





fai ,slame ni org setie kt fai .org buat ape yg fai nk .org tkd menggatal dgn lelaki laen smue bile org tk cntct dgn fai .tapi ni ke balasan yg org dpt ?fai ,org maseh sygkn fai .):



*crying still*

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♥ My World My Life

5:10 AM



♥ Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

HELLLLLLLLOOOO .
i going to post abt yest and today .kaykay ?
basically ,yest ,i laugh like hell .
seriously .thankyou to Ridzman la for making me laugh (:
ahha .idk if its funny for you guys .
but its so funny to me ,he is likee ,idk how to xpplain here la .
Ros also laugh but not as rabak as me .then Zafran come ,and he look at me with the face like something .and Hadafi say i crazy .-.-" then Ridzman keep on doing the thing so i laugh non-stop .okay .so ,never laugh like that for a very long time before la .seriously .and the rest i forget what happen la . -.-"

todayy ,so gd lehh .math and hist cher nvr come .wahh ,i happy .okayy .so during maths lesson go sit wif fren and do ws .then hist ,do ws ,but then me ,Cahaya ,Farah and Atiqah play Truth or Dare gae .long time nvr play mahh .and ya ,CME ,need to discuss abt something .and yaa .I WANT GO LIKE ORPHANAGE HOME LA ..like old folks home ke or anitin la .like fun like that .
tiredd .just came back frm bookshop .watching just for laughs gags now .HAHHA(: .well2 ,anw ,go buy divider la at bookshop .ahahhaha .im hungry now but not going to eat ~






i msgs him many times .seriously .he didnt reply still .-_- nvm la .haissssssssssss .
fai ,fai igt syirah tk tau eh ?org tau la ,fainye p8 blm low lagi .maseh boleh msg lagi .cume fai sengaje tknk angkat ,tknk reply .please la fai .smpai bile nk mcm gni ?lame2 org pn dpt tau jgk sey .org tau tadi fai gi mane smue .org tau matae fai skola mane smue .i knw fai .fai .please la .help me can ?haisss ):

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♥ My World My Life

4:41 AM



♥ Monday, January 18, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

ppl .soon then i post .
no mood to post):
sorry .tc (:
and ,imissamy):
fai .i really miss you ): fai ,i love you .): *crying*

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♥ My World My Life

5:03 AM



♥ Saturday, January 16, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

well ,today went to cik yah hse .
kak yana tunang .congrats .(:
well ,at nyte hve kenduri arwah again .
then they sabo paklong .
lol .happy advance bdae .(:
then spent time at there till 10plus i think .
only left me and my sis hvnt go hme .
so go hme with damn heavy things and cikman send hme .thnksss(:
well ,otw hme inside van there ,
seriously ,idk why la.i suddnly rmmbr of what things i did with him .and i cried .
but yeah ,i try not to cry la .
when wan go block also i want cry coz i saw a couple .
haiyoo .
why must i be the easily cry person ?
haiyaaaaaa .*sigh*
syafiqah ,i read ur blog .thankyou syg .thnks so much (:
u make me cry ):
seriously .but its okeyy .*sigh*
haisss .
actually ,2010 is like ,so many ppl heartbroken eh ?
seriously la .why ah ?
coz of guys la .so bstrd .kk ,i wont put all the fault at guys .
i knw la all guys not the same .just hard to find .
actually ,guys and gerls are just the same la .
break ppl heart only .
-.-"
baek lelaki ,baek pmpn .same je .
and i hate it .
i knw la i say that confem u all like tink i nvr break a guy heart before lehh ?
right ?
the ans is ,no .never .always guy hurt me .-.-
and thats what i hate the most .
easily fall in love + easily cry = you imagine
imagine oredi ?gd .
well ,i did msg him again .oways snd oofline msgs at msn .but what i get ?notin .
i realise i nid to move on .but im not readi .
and i dont want to moveon .
(:
and ,to my tirath ,
gosh ,i feel sad for you .how cn they be so cruel abg ?thats what i mean ,baek lelaki ,baek pmpn .due2 same je .-.-" bbual world .in the end ,dushhhh .-.-" tapi tkp ,kite gou through same2 ,as kite ade prob yg same .but at least ,ur's is better than me la abg ,at least die blg abg jgk .mine ?nvr .-.-"
syafiqah ,iloveyou (: u are right ,they should just keep me accompany (: nad plus ,they should hug me la syafiqah ,everytime .haha(:



♥ My World My Life

8:52 AM



♥ Friday, January 15, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

hello2 .idk if im feeling sad or happy now .its both la .
but im trying to make it sound as if im happy okay ?(:
well ,today post will be in malay and eng .(:
but mostly in eng la only a few sntnce in malay (:
so dont worry(:

firstly ,to tirath .
abg ,dont sad .i knw how u feel .we hve the same fate .we still hve many ques in our mind .do the person that we love still love us ?or have they leave us ?without telling us ?i cried when reading ur blog abg ,seriously .): im sad .but i knw no matter what ,we wont giveup till we find the ans to that ques .(:

secondly ,
well ,go to keathong again just now .
reach at 3pm like that .
then waited at the first floor staircase .
i saw the ppl that i saw last time before .do they recognise me ?hahah .
then2 ,at that block got like sch for kids .its kindergarten i think .
the plce whr i wnt to work wen i grow up (:
so ,like got tiny students ,with their teacher .want bring them play2 .
SO CUTE LA . i see i smile and laugh to myslf .awww ~they make me smile .thnks sweetheart (:
then got malay one like ,'awak2 ,saye2 ..' they talk2 ,cute sia .
then most of them hold hands .aww ~cute llorrrhhhh .
then wen evrytime i hear footstep or hear a guy voice ,some part i hide ,i scrd that was him .
mane tau die dgn kwn die ke ape .
hahaha .
then2 !!!
got this guy ask for my num . -.-" wth like that .
i was sitting ,he was like ,stare2 ,see2 me .hide2 .i tot what la .
then he say 'leh knl2 ?sgl att?'
i say bck la .'sgl ...errrrr ...*silent* tkle..'
then he walk ,with his face like binget ?badmood ?idk .
hahaha .muke taik siaaa .LOL
of cos la idk wan say what ,first time org mintak knl2 .i was damn shck la .thats why .
then i called hairie .told him .then it was arnd 4plus i called him
he accompany me ,we talk otp .talk so many things .ghost story la ,what la .
then until 6.05pm like that put donw the phne .tired oredi .
then i go hme .
3hrs of waiting .):
but to no avail .i was quite sad la .
but lucky nvr cry la .):
just fedup .but i nvr put anyone at fault .my own fault .i knw .i let myslf suffer lorh .
so what ?
i wont giveup la .until i meet him !
thats my final decision !
(:

see ,its not a sad post ryte ?well ,im making it happy for you guys to read .thats all .but actually im feeling sad .): hahs .

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♥ My World My Life

4:47 AM



♥ Thursday, January 14, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

for today ,im goin to post abt this .
well ,this is what i think la .
what my friend say is true la .
im trapped in my own world .
i knw which decision is right ,and which is wrong .
but im choosing the bad one .
i knw which is the way i should go .
but i just dont want to go to the way i should go .
i choose the wrong decision and the wrong way .
and it is the one that makes me suffer .
suffer all the way of my life .
i knw that he have dissapeared from my life .
i knw he doesnt love me anymore .
i knw everything .
but yeah ,
im still in my own world .
i still think that he is with me .
i still think that he loves me .
i still think that he care for me .
i still think that he is the one for me .
i still think that he is mine .
i still think that he is the one that can hug me when im feeling cold and all .
i still think that he is the only guy that i can love .
not other guy .
im just trapped .thats all .
and i dont want to face it .
i keep thinking of the things you like ,
and i will have them with me .
i still write ur name on my hand ,
paper ,everywhr that i can write .
but mostly ,i write ur name in my heart from last time .
and i cant erase it .
i just think that we are still together .
evn we are not .
thats all .
i knw im wrong to do this .
i make my life suffered .
i make myslf cry .
cry when i think that u are still mine .
cry wen i see other couple happy together .
cry wen i think back what u've done .
cry wen i have my pillow and bear with me ,cos to me ,they are u .
and ya ,i cry when i see the things i done together with u or planned together with you ,is doing by other couple .
what if i were walking alone ,and i saw you ,with ur gf ,doing the things that i shouldnt see ?haisss ..
fine ,i knw .by this moment ,evryone reading this will be like ,
'cn u just move on ?no use loving a guy that have done dis to you .that dont love you anymore .u have better things to do in life .u still have a long way to go .why must u just stick to him ?' .
i knw la u all think like that .but i wntd to be like this ,evn for a few periods ..pls .just let me .i knw u all will be giving up on me ,u guys help me ,but i nvr listen .u all will then like ,for what u all help ryte ?but i just ,idk .its okay la ..i cn handle it ...


can i just write some of the song lyrics here ?coz im sad .):





tired and lonely still we stand
on a road to nowhre .
trapped in a world of endless days
my engine stalling ..
body and mind are breaking down on a road to nowhre
destiny silent hear no sound
as i wait forever
farewell ,i miss you
im sick of this gdbyes
coz it tore us apart right from the start
i miss you ...




mengapa kau melarikn dirimu
ku rasa sayu
ku ingin kau disampingku
seperti waktu dahulu
kemana kau menghilangkn dirimu
ku rasa rindu
ku mencarimu disinggah sana
dan aku hilang tempat bermanja
kau pula bersuka ria ..
kemana kau menghilangkn diri
ku yg mencari
manakah janji dan sumpah setiamu
yg kau berikan kepadaku ..
apakah kesalahanku padamu
dan juga tingkah lakuku itu
sehingga kau meghilangkn dirimu
dan aku kehilanganmu ..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
tolonglah ,kembali ke pangkuanku ..
ku ingin bersamamu ..
seperti waktu dahulu ..
kita berdua gembira ...



okaayy .done .when im hurt ,there too many song that suits me .the song same with my story .
too many till i want to write all .anyone gd at drawing ?i wnt ask hlp me draw someting .):

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♥ My World My Life

5:04 AM



♥ Wednesday, January 13, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

syafiqah ,dont cry la when reading my blog .):
i knw the story sad .hohos .
idk eh .evn i sad all ,im crying ,i must still laugh .
just to hide my sadness .



i've tried everything already .
but i still ,idk ..
i knw he must have some feeling of sympathy towards me .
but ,why he treat me like this ?
evn im telling him evrything ,how i feel ,what do i think i want to do all .
haisss ..sometimes i think ,
what if im warded to the hosp. or whatevr ?will he still visit me ?
if im dead ,will he still come and see me for the last time ?
does he still care for me ?
idk why ,
i keep coughing and coughing .
then i vomitted just now .-.-"
if i were to fall sick .
i'll fall sick due to missing him .
evrytym before i goes to sleep .
i'll cry .
and ya ,
yesterday ,i cry so badly .
seriously ,
i use my pillow ,my bear ,imagine that was him ,from last time .
i hug ,then i cry .
i told him ,
i dont want to forget him .
i cant moveon .
i wntd him by my side .
i cnt moveon if theres no him in my life .
since he did this to me ,i feel as if im gone .
i need him in my life .
i really misses him .
i really love him .
i want him back ..
i dont want him to leave me ..
i dont want to let him go ..
i dont want to accept the fact ..
): *crying* ):




pls ,meet me for the last time ..
cn u be kind for that day ,
and follow what i want ?
bring me evrywhr i wntd to go.
spent the last moment with me ..
aftr follow me to the plcs i wntd to go ,that u once tell me u will bring me ,
then i wntd to spent my time with u at those two block again for the last time .):
play wrestling and all ):
and if possible ,cn i hug you for the last time ? ):

*crying*


theres no one that can replace you in my heart .
the way you love me ,no one can try and replace it .
no one can ever sing like you do .
no one can have the same way of you .
fai ,cant you just be with me forever ?):





i've tried ,i said as he walked away ,try not to lose him ..two vibrant heart could change ..):

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♥ My World My Life

4:50 AM



♥ Tuesday, January 12, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

god ,i keep posting and posting .
tk smpai 30min .
-.-"
ppl giving me advice everyday .
but i just say ,
'yes i knw ,okayy .'
but i didnt do what im supposed to do .
true ,im following my heart now ,not my mind .
its bad sometimes to follow what we want .
i knw what is the choices .
i knw what is happening .
but the thing is ,
i dont want to choose the right path .
-.-"
i hate it .
i just dont care if im hurting myslf .
i just follow my heart .
it takes time .
like what tirath says ,
time is the ans .
awww ~
he told me that many times .
(:



it takes a lot of time to accept the truth .):



♥ My World My Life

8:14 AM



♥

My Complicate Life ♥











why am i posting and putting all this pic at my blog ?
goshh ,there meaning to it .
each of the picture ..
):



♥ My World My Life

7:45 AM



♥

My Complicate Life ♥

i just hate it .
i hate all this .
i hate myslf .
i hate whats going on .
cant you just undrstnd me ?
pls .
evn i beg you ,then ,idk la .haiyaa .
look ,i called you at sch .i called you at hme .
evrytime .
i wont giveup .
yes ,true .
by calling and txting you so many times might make you feel irritated .
i knw .
but i cnt stop doing it .
i wanted to meet you .
and you gave me so many excuses .
yes ,while otp ,i almost did the stupid thing again .
yes ,while and aftr otp ,i cried .
i shivered again .
i cant accpt the truth .
i cant .
i dont want to .
i dont want to accpt the truth .
why ?
because i love you too much .
evn u did that to me .
gave up on me for another girl .
u still wont admit ryte ?
only that when i say u have gf ,u like ,
'argghh ,ni yg org mls nk lyn tau..'
i force you ,and u were like ,
'a'ah ,ahh ,yelahh2 ...ade2 ..'
idk .it confuse me .
i want to hear all from your mouth .
pls ,meet me .
i dont want to let you go ..
i dont want ..
i love you ..
):



♥ My World My Life

7:31 AM



♥ Monday, January 11, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

thankyou hairie for lending me ur phone just now .(:
and yeahh ,i was like already upset .
and mr.kok make me more angry .urgh -_-
i called fai just now using hairie phne .during recess time .
while i was w8ing for him to pickup ,honestly ,i was shivering .seriously .
evn when im talking to him .idk why .not because of im feeling cold .
but because im nervous .
i forget to mention on the previous post that while i was at keathong ,i was already shivering .damn cold i tell you .its like ,,already dawn .and im alone .plus the surronding atmosphere .and coldness .fuuhhh .
okkayy ,so .continue ..
i talk to him otp for abt ,5min ?idk .
when he pick up ,i silent for awhile then i dare to speak .
the first thing i say is ,*translate in eng*
'fai ,dont put down the phone kay ..pls ..' .
coz im really scrd he might put down when he hear my voice .
well ,mostly i talk the most .he nvr say anitin .-_-
well ,hears the convo .already being summarise by me .
me : fai ,i want to meet you .pls la ..
fai : cannot ..
me : no ..pls la ..can la ..why cannot ?
fai : u will be shock la ..
me : but why ?
fai : you knw abt my dad illness ryte ,then i also get it what ..later u see my face u will be shock la ..
idk why its illness .-.-"
me :no ..i wont be shock ..i want to meet you .idc .
fai :cant la .ltr u shock ..
me :idc la !i said i want to meet means i want to meet la !
before all that i did ask la why he nvr reply my msgs ,why i call nvr pick up ,and he rejected all .
well ,then ...
me :fai ,fai got gf already ryte ?
fai :nolaaa ..with my face like this want hve gf ?
me :why u dont want to admit ?!i knw la !just admit cn or not ?!
fai :eh ,dont spout nonsence la ..u nvr see how u knw ryte ..
me :eh ,i knw la ! but its true ryte ?!
then he still wont admit .
fai :i nid to go to class already la ..
me :no nid ..
fai :then i nid to study wat ..
me :no nid la ..
fai :i nid to go la ..ltr call again ..
then suddnly silent .i try call his name for a few times .then he ans back .
fai :eh ,havent put down yet ?i tot put down already ..
me :i dont want to put down ..fai ..meet me kayy ?
fai :i nid to go to class ...cnt la ..(or did he say ,'idk' .) .ltr call bck ,ltr call bck .
syirah :alarrr ...
then i silent and he say bye .so i say bye back to a very low voice .then he put down .
weellll ,yeahh .that is it .haisss ..i knw he's oredi okayy .he wont tell me .seriously la ..haiyoo .
wen i put down oredi i tink bck .if its true abt the i shock tingy ,why he cn go sch all ?
and yaaaaa ,i try calling him aftr sch .at first he reject .sec and third time ,he nvr ans at all .
just now at 8plus i tinkk ,call again ,but nvr ans .haiiss ):
i wont giveup still .



♥ My World My Life

5:18 AM



♥ Sunday, January 10, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

everything change .and i didnt knw that u are goin to change too .im just wondering why .
yes ,i admit .its hard to forget you .i still love you .you told me ,if u lie or break ur promises ,i can hate you to hell .but no ,i cant .coz deep inside my heart ,i love you so much .im crying .but im holding back my tears at the same time .on the 8thdec .we lepak at one block at faja .till 10plus went home .and rmmbr ?i was mad at you that time due to ur smoking .till i msg you when im home ,asking you not to text me again .and you reply so late till i fell asleep ,but at 1plus ,meaning its oredi on the 9th ,i wakeup again and read ur msg .and that was the time u confess to me that you actually love me .evn im angry at u ,u still put a smiley face in the end ,saying gdnyte and all .you told me im the first girl u confess to .usually ,the girl that admit first .then ,at last ,i must confess my feelings to towards you .idk how ,i can fall in love with you .we talk till 7plus in the morning ,then we slept .on the 15th ,we met again .u wntd to treat me to my famousamos that i win .but in the end i didnt get it .i rmmbr ,we lepak at one of the cck block .and that was whr it all strtd .when went home ,txt2 ,u get possesed again ,ur sis tell.till on the 18th ,u txt me again ,saying sorry for not replying my msgs ,u cnt get out of the hse ,u miss me ,asking me to forget u ,evn we are force to bcoz of it ,but then i nvr want to leave u,i promise u .u promise too . then u promise u meet me first when u are fine .suddnly ur sis reply again saying u get possesed again.i pray for you evrytime .evn i knw u cnt reply ,i always msg you .expecting you to reply still .till on the 7thjan ,i txt again asking if you are really alright ,but then someone reply saying u chnge ur num .i txt ur new num ,no reply .*not allowed to be read* evn i told you if you break ur promises just tell me.at sch i called you ,u the one who pickup .*not allowed to be read* at last ,get to knw ,you had a gf schling at st.anderson sec.in the end ,get to knw the person that tell me ur new num is ur mom .*not allowed to be read*well ,abt the possesed thing ,yes ,its true .but then why aftr u okay .u didnt tell me?instead u leave me just like that without telling me u had a gf .im hurt .u like meh if ur sis is treated like this frm a guy ?no right .then why u do it to me?u promise u w8 for me .seriously .when i knw u're not okay ,i pray for you ,i try searching for anyone who maybe may knw u .then this is what u repay me back ?u told me im like no other girl .im not like ur exs .i cared for you too much till i get angry at you like something .then now what ?hais .i called you 2times when im going out just now .but u rejected my calls .i wntd u to meet me and talk facetoface .when u rejected my calls ,i msg ,u still didnt reply .when i was otw to bpp ,inside lrt ,one malay aunty was looking at me ,idk why .maybe bcoz my face was sad all the way .and i almost cry at the lrt .bt i didnt la .want to go out frm bpp ,saw amy ,fatin and azuin sis .they were like ,asking if im okay .they tot i was being possesed .i just say that im okay .evn im not .im sorry guys .well ,aftr going bpp ,i went to farhan hse .imagine .from 5.10pm like that i sit there ,on the third storey stairs .till the nxt 2hrs ,i go hme .for the two hrs ,i've been sitting there ,ppl looking at me .i cried abit .i wonder if they saw me cry .i tried calling you for another time ,u rejected again .but guys ,while i was sitting ,many ppl comeout and in of the lift .and one of them was like ,when she oredi in the hse ,i cn hear her ,saying ,'elias ,elias .is that his gf outside ?is that his gf ?' .it makes me smile for a sec .im sure ppl was like ,'why does this girl sitting hre frm just now?' .i knw they got that ques in mind .while i was sitting ,i hve the feelings i cn meet farhan .when the lift shows 3rd storey ,i always look .and when its almost 2hr ,yes .im sure it was farhan .he with ,idk who .i call him .i tink he hear .i guess he evn look at me .i tink he knw that was me .he says sometin .but i couldnt hear wat .then he go into his hse .i cant get to speak with him .aftr that ,i called hairie ,tell what hppn .he like knw like that i cry .while i was there ,i txtd ppl ,and all of them ask me to go hme .but i was stubborn .i was tired but i wont giveup .aftr that with a very heavy and hurtful heart ,i walk slowly .went to grsc .wnting to buy sweet for younger sis and me .but dont have .then i went hme ,walk hme .before that ,i sat on the block whr we sit at fajar .i come to the plce we sat ,i smell ur cigarette fai .i cn see all that happn at there .i see you and me .its like a movie .but it was actually just memories .i hear to the song that u always sang ,i cried .idk if ppl see me crying ,coz theers evn malay fam was at there with a cat ,and i tink they look at me .but that time ,i wipe away the tears already .my person easily cry .idc whr i am ,if the tears want to fall ,it just falls .but sometimes i need to hold it back .i feel like i want to do stupid things again ,but i wont .i promise already .haiss .i just can cry .i really miss you .i really wnt to ask you fcetofce .perhaps i must try again .hais ):

whr were you when i misses you ?
whr were you when im cold ?
whn im sad ?
whn im feeling lonely ?
when im in a bad mood ?
when i need someone to talk to ?
to talk craps ?
whr has ur jokes to me gone to ?
whr are ur promises to me ?
ur words to me ?
all of them .whr ?
they are all vanish forever ,gone .
i miss the times we played wrestling .
i miss those jokes ,calling me undrage kid ,and many more .u like to disturb me .
i still rmmbr all the things u say to me .
each single words .seriously .
all the things we did together .
i miss ur singing ,'road to nowhere' and 'i miss you' .
when i hear to those songs ,but mostly 'road to nowhere' ,i keep hearing ur voice ,the guitar u played .
we planned to watch movies together .
eat at luckyplaza together .
go to the playgrnd whr i want to go .
buy build a bear workshop bear together .
all the things .
so many .
u promise to quit smoking by 1st march .ur deadline .rmmbr ?but now i guess ,u stop trying to quit already .haiss .):
i wntd to tell u so many things .
but then look what happn now .
i cant tell you .):
how cn u be so heartless ?
nvr evn says sorry to me . ):
haiss .
i knw im stubborn .i make myself suffer bcoz of you .
i knw u may not be reading this .but this are my feelings .i wntd you to knw .
i really dont get the ans why in the world you leave me ..
thanks for all the thing you've done to me ..
those precious moments ,sweet moments .and even ,this hurtful moment .thankyou for hurting me .
its hard for me to accept the fact . damn hard .
hard to forget you .. ):


God ,gives me the strength ,patience to face all this test from you .i cant hold on any longer .i'm becoming weaker as days passes by without him on my side .i really misses him .im tired .idk how i should move on .idk how i can forget him .pls ,give me more strength and patience to face all this . ):


no matter what ,i still have others that love me ,i knw .thanks all .

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♥ My World My Life

6:16 AM



♥ Friday, January 1, 2010

My Complicate Life ♥

IMPORTANT ANOUNCEMENT ! I HAVE A NEW BOYFRIENDDDD ! AHAHHA !



HERES HIS PICS ! AWWW ~ MY HEART MELT SIAAA !! (:





AWWWWW ~ ahhaha !


ramzi (:



my boyfriend . (:
thereee !!! wooohohhooooo ! lalalallaa ~ im so crazy over him ! (: ilovehim ! (:



♥ My World My Life

10:49 PM



♥

My Complicate Life ♥

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL .
(: may we have peace in this new year ,2010 .how fast time flies .time passes by .but we just dont realise it .(: well ,lets hope we have fun on this new year .thaatss all .and sorry for not updating . seriously damn lazy to update blog and to evn passes by it .sorry eh .

and ,to those who need to be link ,later2 eh .dont worry .later my friend do for me .i lazy .hahah .tc all .(:

2010 !welcomeee !(:

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♥ My World My Life

4:21 AM